201!!!!

Finally.

Hopefully be under 200 by New Years. Not doing anything different. Maybe walking more than usual, but food is pretty much the same as always. Not trying, but not failing, so I guess it evens out.

202

Slowly but surely. More slowly but that's ok.

59 pounds down since the start of the year

I just looked back and found that at the beginning of the year, my goal was to lose 27 pounds this year, just like I did last year. I've more than doubled that goal 10 months into the year. It's kinda cool to be able to go back and read these random comments, that I've since forgotten about, and compare them to what I'm doing/feeling now.

Personally, I'd like to be under 200 in the next couple of weeks, before the baby is born. I'd like to start off weighing a normal weight, which for most people is in the 100's, not the 200's. I will or course, still be fat, but I'll almost be out of the obese range, and in the fat range. I can live with that. If I lose even half the weight I've lost this year, next year, I'll be practically normal!

203

It's slow going. Haven't really eaten a full meal in days. Not hungry. Way too stressed. Daughter is having a baby in a couple weeks and they have to move here the week before the baby is due. Seven people in a two bedroom house. Don't know how that will work, but it will have to work. Several more mouths to feed and I don't know where the money/food will come from. Her boyfriend has another job interview this week with the same company he had one with last week. Hopefully he'll get it now. It's retail, but every penny helps right now.

205

By this time next month, I hope to have broken out of the 200's.

Shouldn't be hard now. In addition to not having enough food, I now have very little money for transportation, so I'm walking everywhere. I live 4-5 miles from downtown, so I walk one way and bus the way home.

Yesterday, I walked about 12 miles total. I guess poverty has it's perks!

208

Actually, I've been 208 since September 22, but too lazy/forgetful to write it down. Been walking a lot because there's no gas/bus money, but that hasn't seemed to do anything for weight loss. Three days in the last week I've walked at least 5 miles. Combined with only 1 or at most, 2, meals a day, you'd think there would be a more substantial difference. This is a lesson to all those folks who think starving themselves is a quick fix. It's not. It will work initially, but you'll find the going gets harder.

I'm not purposely trying to starve myself. There is just no money for food. That's the reality of our society right now. We can offer people free Wi-Fi, but can't offer them a free meal.

209!

In mid-June I was 221 when I went to an event in a smaller size pair of jeans. I tried those jeans on the other day, and even though I've lost 12 pounds since then, the jeans don't feel especially smaller, as a matter of fact, I thought they were just a smidge less tighter than June. One would think the jeans would be much more comfortable, but no. Don't know what's going on there.

Stats: Then and now

I went back and looked at my stats from January 2, 2008, when I started this blog>

This is then stats:

Gender: Female

Age: 44

Height: 5' 7.5"

Weight: 289 pounds. Yes, I'm THAT FAT!!

BMI (Body Mass Index): 44.6 (30.0 is obese, so I'm 50% more obese than obese!)

neck: 15.75

upper arm: 15

bust: 53

upper waist: 42

navel: 56.5

hips: 54

upper thigh: 29

above knee: 20

calf: 18.5

Here are the now stats. I need to correct my BMI, because I've been using 5'8" as my starting point, forgetting that I measured back in 2008 and was only 5'7.5"

Height: 5' 7.5"
Weight: 210
BMI: 32.4

neck: 15

upper arm: 14.25

bust: 43

upper waist: 36

navel: 47

hips: 46

upper thigh: 26.5

above knee: 17.5

calf: 16

Wow. Pretty impressive. 41.5 inches gone with those measurements.

Oddly, I would have hoped the severe apnea would be better managed/resolved at this point, but it's not. I'm still battling it every night and day and it doesn't appear to have improved in the least bit. Lately, it feels like it's worse, or perhaps that's just the effects worsening and the apnea has stayed the same. In addition, I have some narcolepsy, that's really been rearing up the last couple of months. Last week I had 3 narcolepsy episodes in one day, usually I have 3 in one month. Don't know what's going on with that. Kinda scared to go looking for reasons.

210!

Once I hit 196. I will be out of the obese range. It's been about 4 years since I've been out of the obese range.

Losing weight this slowly has the added benefit of proving that you can keep the weight off for the long haul, despite flucuations along the way. This has been a year and a half experiment, that started out as just eliminating junk food. I proved very quickly, that denying myself like that was counter-productive. It just made junk food all the more enticing. Now, that junk food is available, it doesn't have the appeal as if it was completely banished.

Fourteen more pounds and I'll only be overweight. At 164, I'll be in the 'normal' weight range. It's been 20 years since I've been in the normal range. So, only 36 more to go. Perhaps by this time next year, I will be normal. Finally. I'm just going to be happy to see the 100's, instead of the 200's in terms of pounds.

212!

I think once I get below 202, I'll be out of the morbidly obese range. I'll have to recheck the BMI charts.

You'd think having all the weight off would improve my mobility and other problems, but it hasn't. No more energy than when I was at my heaviest. I don't sleep any better. Still have the apnea, so that means I'm still waking up with headaches from lack of oxygen and sleeping all day and night.

I sometimes feel trapped in a body that doesn't do what I want it to do.

Hmmmmmm

 I just looked back at my blog from the beginning of June and I guess I've lost a total of 8 pounds so far. I was under the impression I was about 217 then, but evidently I was 222. That's good to know. I have a pair of jeans I wore back then to a graduation, and they were a bit snug, but still fit, and I thought they wouldn't be significantly looser, so maybe I should try them on. They're a size 18, and boy would it be nice to be in a normal size! At least I'll be in 'teen' sizes. Anything over the teens just feels like fat-wear.

214

Well it's nice being a little less. especially because I haven't gone down all summer. 

I've had other health scares that are more troubling than excess weight, but don't find out results until later in the week.  It appears my lack of appetite and extremely slow metabolism might be linked to something more serious. Ugh. I hate medical drama.

218

I haven't been trying lately.

Been famished and often cranky because of it. Getting depressed being on this cycle of scrambling to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. We're down to the bare bones. The internet and cable tv are the only splurges we make, because it's comparatively cheap entertainment and the I'm taking online classes to better my chances at working again soon.

Food stamps don't come in until mid-month, and there's no money right now, so I'll have to cut way back so the food we do have will last until then.

219

I haven't really done much to facilitate weight loss, and haven't changed my eating habits too much from the prior two weeks, but it's going down again, so I'm stoked.

226

Wow. A lot has changed in 2 and a half weeks. I've been FAMISHED. Very odd things going on right now. I'm always really really hungry. Have no energy. No motivation. Want to sleep constantly. And worse of all, I can't see to stay satiated. No desire to walk or move like I usually do. Today I'm head-achy and running a low fever. Wow. Typing that made me realize those are many symptoms of diabetes. I doubt I have it, but that would explain a lot.

Don't know what I'm going to do from here on out. The famished feeling is slowly leaving, so hopefully it was a result of so long without continuous nutrition. I really have to put the effort forward to eat right. With my current lack of motivation, that will be difficult.

217!!!

YAY!!! I hoped to be around 215 by the end of the month, so I have a week to lose 2 pounds, I think that's doable!

Weird how metabolism just shuts down. I'm eating only one meal a day, at most and the weight isn't budging.

219

It's slow going. I can really tell that not eating so much is having an effect on my metabolism. Not much I can do about that. There's still 2 weeks left in the month and no more money in sight. Just hoping all the utility companies keep us on until the end of the month.

Going to bed hungry isn't a new thing but it's becoming old very fast. I feel for everyone who has to do it night after night. It's dehumanizing.

221

Only one pound down for the first half of the month. But, it's a new low so I thought I'd report it. Amazing considering how little I've eaten these last couple weeks, but I understand that I'm likely taking in way too few calories, so setting up my metabolism to fail. Not much I can do about that.

Food is scarce in our household right now. Each day goes by and I look into the pantry and fridge and see less and less. And I worry more and more. The kids are home for the summer, so that means that much extra food is needed that they're not getting from school lunch. I remember my own childhood with those summers of hunger. You don't realize how filling a crappy school lunch can be when you have to go days without eating anything. I won't let happen to my kids, but the memory is strong and somehow that makes me strong enough to fight the urge to slip that far.

There's very few safety nets for families like us. The resources are tight as many more families find themselves asking for help. Where do these families go tomorrow when the last can is doled out? Tomorrow is a pretty scary place for a lot of people. I guess we'll see what it brings.

222!

That's 7 pounds down for the month of May! Most of that weight loss is attributed to me cutting back severly on my food intake. My June income is already spent for rent, electricity, gas and the phone bill. I still owe $100 on the electric bill and $100 to a friend who loaned me money in early May. We will have to try to make due with what we have in our pantry and fridge for the next 4 weeks. No milk, a half dozen eggs, half a bag of bread, 10 pounds of potatoes, a couple pounds of cheese, some cans of soup, noodles, some cans of beans. That's about it. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to hit up the food kitchens. Our town is struggling as it is with through the roof unemployment, housing crisis and some of the highest rents in the country. Taking a box of food away from a family, who is worse off than we are, is unconscionable.

Every week there are more garage sales than the previous week. Kids selling their toys. Adults selling anything that might bring in a buck. And the stories are always the same....foreclosure, laid off, hours cut, disablity, medical crisis that wiped them out, or as is often the case, a family member either on the brink or about to fall through the cracks and this is a last ditch effort to try to help them.

No one has commented on my weight loss, probably because they know what I'm doing and don't want to bring it up. That's fine with me. As happy as I am to lose the weight, because that might allow me to be well enough to work again, it's hard knowing the family is in such dire straits and that had I been normal sized, and didn't have the weight to lose, I would not have been able to sacrifice for them because the consequences to me would have been too detrimental.

I am ashamed of my weight. No longer because it highlighted my lack of self control and indulgence (though, a metabolic disorder triggered by severe sleep apnea is at the heart of it), but because of the waste of resources that we need today. I am acutely aware of every bite of food I take now, and have gone two days without eating this weekend because every meal I kept away from myself, provided for my family. It's not a healthy way to operate but I'm desperate.

224!!!

That's about 38 pounds in the first 6 months of the year! At this rate, I'll be below 200 by the end of the year, and out of the 'obese' range on the BMI!!!! I am 36 pounds away from my all time low of 178 in July 2005!

Crossing my fingers I can stay on the course!

225!!! Whoo hooooo!!!

It's coming off slowly, but it's coming off. I'm almost 50 pounds down from this time last year. A couple of pounds a month don't seem like much, but when you look at the spread over the course of the year, it's compelling!

229!

In 5 more pounds I'll be closer to 200, than to 250!'whoo hoooo!

230! YAY!

For some reason, I thought I was down to 232 at the beginning of the month, so I didn't think a 2 pound loss was a big deal, now that I see it's a 6 pound loss, YIPPEE!.

Times are tough money-wise for us, so that motivates me even more to say no to seconds, or even firsts. I have enough padding to sustain me, and I can't help but think that a missed meal here or there that goes to another family member will help out financially. I know it's not the smart way to lose weight, but it seems the most prudent when we only have enough money to get through 3 weeks of the month. Skipping one meal a day, for me, means that's 30 less meals I have to provide on a limited income, and boils down to 10 full days of meals for another family member. It may not be smart, but the math doesn't lie.

236!

I'm still fitting in my skinnier jeans YAY! I'm hoping to be 230 by the end of the month. Now that I see that I can maintain the weight loss for a while, I'm a little more inspired to push the envelope, so to speak!

238!!!

Wow. Yesterday my jeans were so loose they were literally sliding off of me. I dug around in my old fat/skinny clothes and found some Levis that were 2 size smaller that FIT! They're a little tight around the tummy, but they fit and I was able to wear them comfortably until I drank a glass of water, hahaha! I bet if I lost 5 pounds they'd be perfect!

246!!!!

I went to the doctor today and I weighed exactly 250 on their scale, with my clothes on. Evidently, my home digital scale is off by about 14 pounds since I changed the batteries last week. I weighed myself at home right after the doc visit and I was 164. Without my clothes, on the home scale, I'm 160. Now my scale was working fine until about a week ago when I changed the battery, and it seemed to be making me at least 5 pounds heavier than right before the switch.

I have a regular dial-type scale, and my weight equaled what I found at the doc's, so I'll be weighing in on that scale from here on out.

YAY ME!!! I broke 250!!!

258

It's been an up and down month. Today is my down. Throughout the month a gained a lost the same 5 pounds over and over again. It's very frustrating. I've pretty much cut out soda entirely. I'm also trying to watch my sweets intake. I haven't gotten a handle on eating throughout the day so my blood sugar levels stay consistent. I notice when I eat a couple meals per day, I actually lose weight. I have a hard time having any real interest in food during the day, the night time is when my appetite revs up, which is not good on any level. Here it is, 3 in the afternoon, and I still haven't eaten since 6 pm, last night, and have taken a couple sips of orange juice with mineral water.

I'm happy to be one pound down for January, better than one pound up. I keep telling myself I have to get motivated because it would be a simple matter to be 10 pounds down at this point if I'd just stay committed to doing the right thing.

259! YAY!

I don't know how I lost this weight! For several days before and after the new year, I had no appetite, thus didn't eat or drink much of anything. I was eating a small meal every two days, and that was it. I lost absolutely zero pounds in the 5 or 6 days this went on.

Over the last two days, I've eaten more normally. I've also been very dehydrated, and so have drank copious fluids (half gallon or so each day the last couple days). So I get on the scale today, assuming I'd be several pounds heavier, and find I actually lost a couple. I checked out my weight several times because I was sure the scale had to be wrong, but no, it shows I'm a solid 259.

I hope I can continue this and be 250 by the end of the month. I'm feeling much more motivated now!

27 pounds down the first year!

I'm ending 2008 at 262 pounds. I haven't budged weight-wise in about a month and a half, but I'm happy to say I haven't gained any weight and I've kept this weight off for the last year. It's not a lot, but it's a start I needed to make. I lost it so gradually, no one can really tell, but when you're that fat, it takes a lot more to make an honest difference.

My BMI is 40.4, down from 44.6. 

I don't know exactly what my goals are this year. I figure I should lose at least 27 pounds this year, because I've already proved I can. That would result in a weight at the end of the year of 235 and a BMI of 36.3. Still high, but probably a weight that is easier to get around with, thus more exercise, thus more potential weight loss.

Ideally I'd like to be down 70 pounds by June 1, 2009. That would put me at a BMI of 29.6, which is out of the obese range and into the merely range. One of my kids will be graduating high school, and this way I'll be able to wear something off the rack that is a little more dressy and looks better than what's available to us obeasts! I don't want to be the fattest mom there for once.