262!!!

It's been a long time coming, trying to get below 264. I've been up and down by about 4 or 5 pounds for a couple months now. My eating habits are horrible. I just can't seem to have the energy to prepare meals. I don't get hungry for about 24 hours after eating a meal, and then I just grap something quick, and usually it's the wrong sort of thing.

I'm battling major fatigue lately, and have been even too tired to eat, let alone prepare something. Last thing I ate was yesterday at noon when I had a turkey sandwich. It's now 6:00 pm, and 30 hours later. I know I should just get up and find something to eat, but I barely have the energy to blog this, and have put this off all day.

Ugh. I hate feeling this way.

264 today

Ugh. Last 10 days have been up and down, mainly up, but finally I broke through to a new low. I have been really really good about not eating any junkfood or snacks, but HORRIBLE about spacing meals throughout the day, and I'm trying really hard to become a breakfast eater. I know my calorie count is pretty low (maybe around 1200), but eating most of that at night isn't doing me any favors.

I am feeling a wee bit lighter and my tshirts are not nearly as fitted. I like them loose, and I can now tell they're looser than normal.

265 as of August 30

I've been fluctuating between 266 and 267 the last few days. Still only eating one meal a day and several glasses of fruit juice mixed with mineral water. The other night I actually had a full mean, chicken piccatta and rice, and so the next day, I had a two pound weight loss, to 265.

I have no hunger or appetite at all. I know this will completely mess up my system, but I'm having a hard time even thinking of food, let alone eating it.

Right now, my goal is to keep hydrated. I'm a huge juice drinker, so I'm cutting fruit juice with mineral water, which makes it even yummier. One quarter juice to 3/4 mineral water is a pretty good ratio, plus it's a fraction of the calories of full juice, and just as tasty. I figure a quarter cup of orange juice and mineral water is about 30 calories.

266

Wow.

Pounds are pouring off, and it feels great. Makes me want to try harder. You can't tell yet because when you're as big as this it takes a good 20 or more to make any noticible difference. Though, technically, I'm 20 down from when I started several months ago, the loss has been so gradual it's not apparent.

Good to be much closer to 250 than to 300, YAY! I suspect if I'm still 266 by this time next week, I'll be grumbling and whining about it, but for now, I'm happy.

268 BEE-YOTCHES!!!

The last week or so I've been under tremendous stress. Silver lining is I've lost about 7 pounds and quite honestly, I couldn't be happier. I wouldn't suggest it as a plan of action, but hopefully this is the kick start I needed. I've been very careful about my eating, but have been having a hard time eating 3+ meals per day, usually opting only for one, typically dinner. I've been maintaining my weight at that level, but I know if I would take the time to actually plan 3 meals and then eat them, I'd actually lose more weight.

I haven't been able to break the 272 mark until now, so maybe that was my plateau, and when I return to more healthy and normal eating habits, it will be easy to drop a few more pounds.

Staying steady at 275...

Not eating the NS food. Not eating much of any food, to tell the truth. Certainly not exercising much (it's way too hot).

I think I'm in a rut.

278 ohoh

Well suffice it to say, I'm back on the NS program. I wasn't feeling well since Sunday and so just ate when I was hungry. Been drinking a lot of water/juice, probably to compensate from having been in a very dry climate for 2 weeks. Also had some ice cream yesterday, yum.

Kinda not feeling the motivation anymore but I do know that the only one I have to blame is myself. If I want to be a Fatty McFatterson, well then I have reached my goal. You'd think reaching a big goal like that would be enough, but meh.

274

I just got back from 2 weeks of vacation (more like 12 days, anyways...) and without eating any of the 2 weeks worth of NS food I brought, I am still at 274. Rather than being discouraged, I'm very happy to know that I have the ability to maintain my weight independent of a plan and not having a scale to help manage my weight. I tried eating more breakfasts and really tried to fill up at lunch so dinner would be a smaller meal. I had definitely lost a few pounds on the first few days of the trip, because my jeans were looser. They're not nearly as looser, but they are definitely more comfortable and I can wear them all day without feeling stuffed into them, so YAY ME!

I was in a very dry climate, and noticed that my apnea was not the issue it usually is (though give me nice moist air any day!). I was able to stay up for most of the day (which is very unlike my real life at home where I often sleep for upwards of 18 hours!). I was at a much higher elevation, so I did have some breathing problems when I'd walk, and often felt a little suffocated, but somehow I managed. Now that I'm back in my element, it honestly feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest, and I can breathe easier and don't have that panicky, suffocated feeling when I walk up or down stairs.

My weight loss total for June is abysmal, only 1 pound, I think, but considering I haven't followed the program, and I am really trying to make healthier choices, I'm glad I haven't backslid or lost motivation. Just knowing I can do it on my own when I get to the point of having to maintain weight, is a big boost to my self confidence. I honestly didn't think I would return at the same weight, considering I was eating at least 2 big meals a day. The calories of those two meals was significantly more than I'm used to eating, but it may be that my metabolism improved because of the stabilized blood sugar. 

The good thing is the month of June isn't over yet, so even though I've only lost 1 pound so far for June, I still have a couple of days to go.

274

Funny, about an hour ago I stepped on the scale and I was 273. I even double checked. Just now, I tried again because sometimes I don't trust my scale, and it was 274 :( I triple-checked. Still 274. I haven't eaten or drank anything...

Does aging make you fat? Maybe wrinkles are heavy? I dunno. I don't like this though, grrrrrr.

Yesterday I walked about 2.5 miles. I had a chicken quesidilla for lunch (I was out with a friend who has been begging me to go to this great Mexican restaurant for the last month). I didn't eat any of the cream cheese or guacamole. I also had a Toll House ice cream cookie sandwich last night. Sooooo yummy! Over all, I think I did good, but still that extra pound in the last hour is making me sad :(

I leave for 2 week vacation tomorrow. Crossing my fingers I'll have the wherewithal to continue down a healthier path. There won't be any scales around for two weeks :( Hopefully when I return, there will be a surprise on mine, but not a bad surprise!

274

Yesterday I consumed about 600 calories total. I did  A LOT of vitamin water drinking, which probably accounts for the additional 1 pound today.

I'll be leaving for a two week vacation next week and spent this morning packing for that trip. I packed 2 weeks worth of NS breakfast bars, lunch bars and NS cookies for dessert. If I really buckle down, that means I just have to worry about dining on real food dinners. There are no dinner bars offered by NS, and I have a bunch of South Beach meal replacement bars, but I think I will quickly tire of the sweetness of all those bars, and crave something more savory, so I'll be on my own for dinner. It's nice NS offers so many bars because they're small and easy to pack, which means you'll more likely pack them on trips.

This morning I had an NS Scrambled Egg and Sausage meal. I was also curious about the NS cookies, so I tried one of the Oatmeal Raisin ones. They're actually very good. Very thick and moist and filling. I'm bringing both the Oatmeal Raisin and the Chocolate Chip (which I still haven't tried).

My goal for this vacation is to come home 8 pounds lighter. If I really stick to the plan, I can probably pull it off. I will be doing a lot of walking and running around and I made sure we'll be in hotels with swimming pools and fitness centers. I don't know if I'll go to the fitness centers, but I'll definitely haul my beach ball ass into the pool with the kids.

273

Well it's not as good news as it sounds. I'm 273 right now, at 9:00 at night, but I haven't eaten  or drank anything all day. I know I should do something, but I also know the moment I start eating when I'm not hungry, I'll then be hungry all night. It's weird how that works but the longer I don't eat the less hungry I feel.

Debating, debating, debating. 

I slept off and on most of the day, after not sleeping all night because the stupid apnea had me waking up gasping for air, which always freaks me out a lot and makes me really anxious about falling back asleep, especially if it's dark and I have the bedroom door closed. Very odd.

Well, I'm off to gather and hunt in the kitchen. Wish me luck!

274

I had the NS Scrambled Eggs yesterday, and then split a footlong Tuna and American Cheese sandwich from Subway, between lunch and dinner. Oh, and I had some Doritos in there as well.

Today is going to be a little stressful. The youngest is graduating from grammar school and she is dreading the walk down the stage and having to wear a 'stupid' dress. Argh. Tomboys are fun except for when you need them to dress up in a fru-fru dress. I was about ready to sell her to the gypsys the other night after an hour and a half of hearing 'that's stupid...that's ugly...that's dumb... oh my God I will die if I have to wear that..."

All that I I just found out the $800 in hotel reservations I made last month, have not been charged to my debit card, and I hadn't been paying attention to the budget (usually I'm a lot better at that) and lo and behold, I was spending like I'd already paid that debt. So, surprise, there's $800 less than I thought I had. Not only that, but one of my hotel reservations, for one night, I never received the confirmation on (I think initially I did, but accidently deleted the email) and now I have no idea what hotel I'm suppose to be at, and the few hotels in that area I called this morning show no reservation for me. My fear is that the card will be charged for $125 because I didn't show up and can't locate the info on that hotel.

I think I'm screwed. And not in a good way.

275

Don't ask.

The only benefit I find from maintaining this weight, is the fact that I've learned how to maintain a particular weight for the last month, on my own. Of course, I would like to maintain a weight about 100 pounds lighter, but what are you going to do?

Still 275

I've been telling myself I'm definitely going to work the NS program today. I'm feeling stressed over the fact I really haven't lost any weight this month, and we're already one-third of the way through it. I am so NOT hungry but I know I won't follow the program if I don't eat breakfast right now. It's really becoming apparent to me that my food choices really aren't so unhealthy, but my eating schedule is very very problematic, and sets me up for blood sugar that is unnaturally low, then unnaturally high and spiking all over the place.

I have severe apnea. One of the reasons that apnea patients have a tendency to gain weight, without a corresponding increase in calories, is because every time you suffer an apnea event, where you stop breathing, your brain floods your body with adrenaline, which wakes you up so you will take a breath. Adrenaline is the 'fight or flight' hormone. In the presence of perceived danger, the brain floods your body with this hormone, which allows for instantaneous bursts of energy and elevated heart activity and blood pressure, among other things. Adrenaline also reserves your caloric resources, in the event you'll be called on to run for your life. So, if it normally cost you 200 calories to run a half mile non-stop, when your body is flooded with adrenaline, it will cost you only 100 calories for the same distance. Your body is trying to conserve as much of those calories as possible, in order to give you as a better chance of reaching safety.

You can see, then, how it will take you much longer to lose weight, and less time to gain weight if your body is always under adrenaline attack. Even though you are not running for your life, your body thinks it is, and so as much as you try to exercise off weight, it's trying to conserve those calories. My above example with the running, was just using sample numbers to illustrate the body's conservation of those calories (I don't know what the exact ratio is, but maybe someone out there does and can tell me). So, if I'm being awakened 60 times an HOUR, every hour I'm asleep, and my brain brings on the adrenaline each time, you can see now, with all that extra adrenaline, how it affects the metabolism to such a degree.

As a matter of fact, for years I was gaining weight at a steady pace. My husband was always wondering aloud how I could eat so little and walk 3-5 miles each and every day, and I was gaining weight, and he ate 4 times as much, and a much more unhealthy diet than I, and he wasn't gaining a pound. I'd go to doctors and they just kept telling me that I was overeating, or that maybe I was eating in my sleep, or maybe I was in such denial, that I was binge eating and couldn't even admit it to myself. The only way I could lose weight was to go on very restrictive diets (about 1200 calories per day) and eat three times per day, etc. For someone as active as I was 1200 calories a day is too little, but it did cause me to lose weight, but I'm not sure it was the healthiest way.

The sad thing is, I've watched the reality shows on tv, about morbidly obese people and they tally up all the food they've eaten all day: pound of bacon for breakfast, with half dozen eggs, couple boxes of cereal and milk, bagel and toast, and then a whole pizza for lunch, with half gallon ice cream and a couple of burgers, etc. And it really saddened me, that I wasn't eating even the smallest percentage of that food, and here I weighed as much as they did. Not that I wanted to eat all that food, just that I deprived myself of the food I did want to eat, and I was no better off for the efforts.

If you are gaining weight and there seems to be no difference in either your food intake or your exercise routine, see a doctor. If you are already overweight, the chances that you have developed apnea, is almost 100%. Get to to a doctor today, and get treatment for your apnea, because apnea with KILL YOU. I don't want to scare anyone, but not even a lot of doctors take apnea seriously. Whenever you hear that an overweight person died in their sleep, the direct cause, almost every single time, is apnea. Apnea can cause heart arrythmias, which can be fatal. Most apnea episodes last from anywhere from 10 seconds to 2 minutes, and then if you have 60 or so per hour, even 40 per hour, that's a whole lot of oxygen not getting to your brain, which can cause stroke. High blood pressure is another component. John Candy and Chris Farley, both died in their 40's, in their sleep, from complications of apnea which brought on heart attacks. If you go on apnea message boards, it will break your heart to read of all the loved ones who have passed because of apnea. The most chilling stories are the ones where survivors talk about how their loved one decided not to use their CPAP mask while they took one nap, and they had a fatal heart attack in the midst of an apnea episode. I tell you this, because if you're reading my blog, you're most likely struggling with your weight. If you're struggling with your weight, you most likely have some form of apnea. If you have apnea, I want you to live and not suffer the consequences of not having it treated.

For the last 15 years I have been fat, like really fat. I have seen a ton of doctors, about a ton of different problems and the first time any doctor has EVER suggested that I am overweight and should lose weight, was about 3 months ago. I am dead serious. I always assumed at some point a doctor would tell me that whatever problem I had was worsened by all the weight, and yet no one ever did. I have since learned that patients can get very combative and defensive when their doctors point out they're fat, and so most doctors won't even bring up the subject. Pretty sad.

275

I've gained 2 pounds, but I think it's a lot of water weight. I walked about 3 miles yesterday, along with fixing my hot water heater, AND pulling weeds and cutting shrubs for an hour. I was also REALLY thirsty yesterday and couldn't seem to drink enough water/vitamin water.

It's 7:00 pm, and I haven't drunk or ate anything all day, I know, bad habits. Not sure how I'm going to change those bad habits. I'm so NOT motivated to do anything about it, probably a touch of too lazy to try, as well.

I'm drinking a 20 oz vitamin water right now. 0 calories and 0 carbs, no sugar. It's VitaRain from Costco. A lot of vitamin waters have some carbs/sugar, so it's nice to have something other than plain water. The taste is like diluted juice, which I've become accustomed to. It beats juice or soda, even diet soda, as an alternative.

273!!!! OMG!!!

I have NO idea how I lost 3 pounds since yesterday. I started off well, eating a Scrambled Egg dealie from NS. Later in the afternoon, at the mall with the kids, I had a couple of those little McDonald cheeseburgers and some fries (them burgers are soooo yummy!).

Later in the evening, we went to this fancy schmancy bakery to pick up a chocolate mousse birthday cake. Because it was so late, we had to pick up the cake before the bakery closed. on our way to see Kung Fu Panda. We smuggled the cake into the movie theater, and once the movie started, they youngest and I pigged out on chocolate mousse cake (DOUBLE YUM!). We each ate about a serving, but then we got home, and I had another serving, plus an organic bean and cheese burrito. I spent probably 3 hours or more walking the mall so I'm wondering if that had something to do with the weight loss. I don't care how it happened, just glad that it did.

The weight loss did motivate me, however, to really stick to the program. It's the first significant weight loss I've had since the first of the month, and that puts me down to losing 7 pounds by the end of June, to keep on track with losing 10 pounds per month.

YAY to the health and dietary benefits of eating luscious chocolate mousse cake!!!! (That had to be the key to weight loss. Shush. I have to tell myself these things to balance out the karma of life!)

275

Still can't bring myself to eat the NS food, but I'm trying really hard to eat smart. I haven't yet eaten today, and it's 6:00 pm, plus I've been sleeping all day (really bad apnea), so my schedule is all turned around and I'm very frustrated. Ugh.

Along with the apnea, comes huge headaches that last for hours, so I'm in the midst of one of those, and certainly don't feel like eating, or doing much more than laying on my bed.

278

ARGH! STRESS!

So, no NS food yesterday. I had a chicken salad on sliced sourdough for lunch. Sparkling apple cider to wash it down and a chocolate chip cookie or three. 

Water heater went kablooey on Sunday and despite my best efforts, I can't get it to reset, which means time to call the landlord and I know he's not going to be a happy camper. Ugh. Last night I boiled water on the stove and washed my hair in the sink, and then boiled more and took a modified shower, so at least I'm clean.

Verizon turned off the kid's cell phone today for 'lack of payment'. This lack of payment is because of a $250 error Verizon made on my account back in February, which they assured me I'd be credited for. Because I refuse to pay the $250 and then WAIT for the credit, I opted to just wait for them to pull the charges (which they've assured me TWICE that they've done, but lo and behold, the charges show up AGAIN this month. So, even though the current due is not due until June 13, they told me the past due is causing the phone to get shut off (with $15 reconnect fee per line, ugh). I paid the current, left the past due ERROR OF VERIZON'S, and called my Verizon guy AGAIN and hope we can get this resolved. I'm not even going to call Verizon corporate, because the last THREE times I did that, the first time they added all kinds of crap I didn't want and took off the text messaging block and data blocks I had on the phones, and I waited 45 minutes to talk to a real person the second time (who promised to process the credit while I was on the phone), and then went to the Verizon office the third time AND still had to talk to someone on the phone, another hour wasted because I was assured up and down that the credit was processed.

The good news? I'm not 279 pounds. I am a bit of control from stress though, so I need to rein that in and deal more appropriately with my Verizon pounds (which I'm blaming 100% on Verizon, well 90% on Verizon, and 10% on the water heater.

279

I felt horrible all day yesterday. I did eat the NS breakfast, lunch and a very disgusting Hot Chocolate for dessert. For dinner I had a non-NS burrito, a couple of chocolate chip cookies and Lipton Chicken Noodle soup. I believe the majority of the weight I gained in the last day is water weight, because of all the sodium, and the 4 cups of water to make it.  I was definitely after the 'comfort' food when I was feeling so ill, which is interesting because I never saw myself as a comfort food person.

 I feel better today. Tired (didn't go to bed until 5:30 am, and up at 8:30 am) but I am redoubling my efforts to stick with the program. I haven't had breakfast yet, but will have a yogurt right now and perhaps a NS breakfast bar of some kind.

276

Still haven't been eating the NS food. Last night I didn't eat all day until about 8:30 pm. Went to dinner at Applebees for my friend's birthday. I had never been, so had no idea what to order. I ended up ordering the steak and shrimp with garlic potatoes. I don't usually eat much red meat but one of the kids wanted to try the steak along with their sliders, so I went with it. I gave half the shrimp to the kid and a bite of steak. The steak was actually really good, cooked perfectly. The shrimp were kinda blah. I also had a pomegranate margarita (yum). I didn't eat too much of the appetizer sampler, just one cheese stick and one teensy weensy piece of quesidilla. I did eat about half the kid's garlic mashed tatars, and she gave me one of her sliders (which was blah).

We finished it off with mini desserts, I had the chocolate mousse. 

Honestly I don't know what I'm going to do about the current rut I'm in with this NS program. This week I'll be receiving my 2nd NS food order. I decided to order one more month, just because having the food around gives me no excuse to substitute bad food choices, even though I do at times. I still have a half month of food left over from last month. The good news is I haven't slid backwards. The bad news is I don't have a cohesive plan going forward. I'm trying, but as anyone who has ever tried to do this whole diet thing knows, it's not easy, and as many millions of people who have dieted over the years, not one has come up with a plan to change habits that will work across the board, so dieters are still reinventing the wheel in that regard.

Ugh, I think I need a chocolate cake or two.

275...

I have been running on no appetite for several days. Yesterday I had a nonfat yogurt for breakfast and a Zone bar for lunch. By 7:00 pm, I started feeling nauseous and a little dizzy, probably from very low blood sugar. We were going to Costco at the time, so I had half a Chicken Bake and felt better. Later in the evening I ate the other half, and about half a dozen garlic shrimps we had purchased from Costco (pretty good, actually).

This afternoon, I'm feeling the same no appetite feeling. I'm going to have a nonfat yogurt right now because I don't want to spiral out of control later. Oh, and a pomegranate Izzy. Yum. I'm more thirsty than hungry anyway.

Very tired today. Part of the fatigue is from staying up late last night with friends and then finally going to bed at 4:30 this morning. My heel spur foot was really hurting last night at Costco, and even after I got off my foot, it was hurting deep down, so I took a Tylenol PM to try to sleep. If I have any little bit of pain in my body at bedtime, I simply can't sleep, thus the Tylenol PM. I only took one, but I awoke at 1:30 pm, and I'm still groggy and fatigued. Being so tired does nothing for my appetite either so I'm going to try to move around today and get some chores done, and hopefully work the fatigue out of my system.

The one hopeful thought I'm having is by this time next month, I'll be 10 pounds lighter, YAY! It will be nice to be in the 260's soon. If I focus on 10 pounds a month, by the end of summer vacation, I'll be 245!!!! Wow. That makes me 205 by the end of the year! Once I break that 205 barrier, my BMI will be out of the morbidly obese range (I think 202 is my magic number). And then, by this time next year I'll be NORMAL. Well, normal physically.... If you ever get to the point in your life where you're not 'normal' in other respects, then good for you. Normal is over-rated. And boring.

276 holding steady

I've been 276 for the last couple of days. I haven't been eating the NS food, and am down to one meal a day, in the early evening. Yeah, I know, bad habits. I've been stressed and not hungry but forcing myself to eat each day, which I know from experience has the opposite effect I'm looking for. It's a little after 11:00 am. I'm not particularly hungry but I know it's important to stay on track. 

I like that it's the end of the first month of trying out this experiment, because that makes June a whole new month of mistakes and rewards. Kind of a 'do-over'. I would say this month has not been bad weight loss-wise, as 10 pounds lost is 10 pounds lost. I have learned a lot this month, and hopefully going forward, I can apply that knowledge in a healthy way. Had I stuck with the program, I would likely have lost 20 pounds, but my goal was always the more conservative 10 pounds and the fact I've reached that goal, makes going into the next month more exciting and hopeful, if that makes sense.

Ok, I'll have a yogurt right now. After that, I'll have to think about my options. One meal at a time today.

275!!! YAY!!

I figured that was a whole lot of water weight I had gained this week. I lost 5 pounds today, so I'm going to be extra careful. My goal was to lose 10 pounds per month. Right now I'm at 11 pounds, and the month end Saturday. My lowest weight this month was 272, maybe I can get down that far, I don't know, and really I'm pretty happy with just being 11 down.

Yesterday was totally sticking to the program (except for a couple of handfuls of Skittles). Instead of the NS dinner, I had a large salad I had ordered with the pizza the previous day. Luckily the kidlet was starving that night and ate half a pizza and had the rest for lunch yesterday.

So far so good. But now I have to eat breakfast and I always get a little nervous about the start of having to eat each day. I always feel out of control the moment I put something into my mouth.

Ohoh

Well I've royally screwed up. I'm up to 280!!! That's an 8 pound addition in the last week or so. I swear, I don't know if I'm just stupid, or stupid and lazy, probably both.

Yesterday I ate a bunch of beef jerky (had a salt craving) and three slices of Garlic Chicken pizza. Oh, and about 4 or 5 cans of Hansen's soda (I was also thirsty....hmmm I guess that's what all that sodium does to you). That was the extent of all my eating yesterday, and I'm hoping the sodium caused several pounds of water weight, but whatever. I screwed up. 

This morning I had a NS Scrambled Eggs and Chedder breakfast, and Chicken Salad for lunch with 6-Ritz-type crackers (low sodium). I also drank 16 oz of water with lemon juice, because that's a natural diuretic, and hopefully will help flush out a lot of water weight.

277

I'm not doing so well, am I. I didn't do any of the NS program yesterday. I'm hoping a lot of this is from the high sodium content of the foods I did eat. I made soup from a dry soup mix. It was 4 cups of water and the soup mix. I ate it all (it was just chicken noodle) but 4 cups of salty water is probably not a good thing. I also had some beef jerky and crackers with cream cheese spread.

Ugh. I'm horrible with this dieting stuff. Why couldn't I do something I'm good at, like power sleeping or laying around watching cheesy reality shows. 

One day at a time....one day at a time. Maybe if I took a nap for the next month, I can get back on track.

275..

The previous two days I was down to 174, now I'm back to 275. To be honest, I'm not eating the NS food. Yesterday I had no breakfast, and a turkey sandwich on marble rye from the deli. No guacamole on it, and light mayo. For dinner, I had several English muffins with tuna. A total of 6 oz of tuna with mayo. No snacks or sweets.

Mainly, I've been bored and stressed. I'm happy that I haven't gone to the Ben and Jerry's or chips or anything like that. Breads seem to be my downfall right now.

I haven't yet eaten today so maybe I'll be good and jump back on the NS program.

&#%$!

Well the chicken salad may be gone from the fridge, but it's not gone from my thighs! I'm up to 276! Holy moly! Late last night my friends were hungry and I thought I'd get a Wendy's cheeseburger. Yeah, good choice NOT! I shouldn't have eaten anything, as I had the last of the chicken salad earlier in the evening. 

I don't know if I'm sabotaging myself because I see the 270s on the scale and I feel complacent, or if I'm just dumb. I'm leaning to 'just dumb' but that can change to 'just stupid' at anytime. Watch this space for updates.

Oh oh!

Well I'm back up to 275. Honestly, I don't know how a few English muffins and chicken salad can weight 3 pounds, but somehow in the bizarro fat universe, it does. Today will be a hard day, because that yummy chicken salad is just sitting in my fridge, over half full.

So-so day...

I didn't get around to having lunch until after 1:00 pm. Bad, I know. I had a Chicken Noodle dinner thing that was ok. Later I went out grocery shopping and picked up a pound of deli chicken salad. I got home and made three, yes, three, sandwiches with the chicken salad and english muffins. So yummy, but probably not the best choice. In my defense, I didn't have anything else to eat all day except one low-fat yogurt and a couple of small glasses of V8 veggie choice and one small glass of V8 Fusion. 

V8 Fusion is actually really good. It's a blend of fruits and veggies. Some years ago V8 put out a fruit and carrot juice concoction that was pretty gross and very disappointing so I was happy to discover Fusion last week. We tried the Orange, the Mango and the Strawberry/Banana, and all are yummy.

Holding steady at 272...

So no change is good. Last night for dinner I had two English muffins with tuna and mayo. I didn't get around to eating dinner until 9 pm, and while I was making tuna for the youngin's late dinner I decided to just dig in. Really yummy, and I thought for sure it would show up on the scale this morning, but honestly it's not like eating a burger or something so I think it wasn't a bad choice.

Starting off late this afternoon. Haven't even had breakfast. I guess it's been 3 weeks since I started and I'm down 14 pounds, which I think is pretty good, almost 5 pounds per week lost. The last couple of weeks I haven't stuck strictly to the NS program, but at least I'm proving to myself that I can make good choices and I'm much more aware of eating throughout the day, than just taking in all my calories after 6 pm, which was my usual habit. Who know how much more weight I would have lost strictly on NS, but I think anyone would be really thrilled with 5 pounds of steady weight loss per week. Most of the contestents on Biggest Loser and Celebrity Fit Club see far less weight loss per week.

Blech!

So far, so good today. I tried the Bar-B-Que Soy Chips and they are 100% nasty. Nothing at all redeeming in their flavor or texture. I did a bad thing. I swamp them out for a small bag of Doritoes Cool Ranch. I know, I know, I should have had more self control, but I didn't, so life goes on.

For breakfast I had Apple Granola bar and fat free yogurt. For lunch Chicken A La King and another yogurt. Dessert was obviously Doritos (which were yummy BTW). Haven't decided on dinner yet, though I should as it's getting on 7:30 pm, and it's probably a good idea to stop eating by 8:00ish.

Didn't do to much exercise other than scrub the driveway of all the sap dripped by the large tree on my sidewalk. Oh, and about a 20 block walk. 

172!

I lost 3 pounds while I was gone. I had hoped for 5, but considering I was doing this without the NS program, and completely on my own, I think I'll take the 3. Changing eating habits without a plan, is difficult, and I'm not far enough into the NS program to have a handle on what my new habits should be. 

I'm hoping this time next month to be 250ish, so that's 20 pounds I have to put my mind to. I'm back on the NS program as of this morning so fingers crossed that I'll be able to accomplish this goal.

Back to 278

Disappointing after the 276 earlier this week, which made it look like I was on track for being 275 tomorrow.

Had a fat free yogurt for breakfast, granola bar for lunch, small bag of Kashi granola mix for snack, and a small chicken breast for dinner. None of it was NS food, mostly because I didn't want to have to deal with it today. Very tired and slightly stressed. I usually stop eating when I feel like this, or eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's, I went for the happy medium.

On Saturday after the wedding, we're eating at a nice steak house, so it will be hard to chose healthy alternative when the menu will look so yummy with thick delicious steaks and sumptious lobster in butter sauce. Hopefully I'll be just as tired and stressed as I am now, and I won't have anything. I guess this would be a good time for me to learn about moderation.

8 days...

Here I am, finishing up the 8th day. Not bad so far in terms of hunger/cravings, etc. I still have a sweet tooth, but munching mints is enough to take away the urges for more potent stuff. I didn't eat much today. Have so much to get done for the trip and when I get busy my appetite shuts down. I had a Chicken Noodle soup for lunch (no breakfast), and a Chocolate Caramel bar for snack. For dinner I had some grilled chicken (from restaurant) and some low fat popcorn. Not really hungry and so I'm trying not to eat when I'm really not hungry. Believe it or not, I'm still full from the burrito last night, which hints at one of my biggest problem, a pathetically sluggish metabolism. 

In the last two days, I've managed to walk quite a bit, without nearly as much pain. The new orthotics are working well, best $20 I've spent in a while. The two sets were $15 each, and did little to nothing to reverse the problem. I'm walking much farther and much longer, with a lot less pain. I'm not all the way back, but I'd say I've improved a good 80% in the last two days. Today, I walked over a mile with some foot fatigue and the beginnings of pain as I finished. Considering for the last 2 months, I've been decidedly less ambulatory, I'll take whatever gains I can. 

So, I finish out the day, hoping those 2 additional pounds will magically disappear tomorrow morning, along with another one by Friday morning, for a net weight of 275. Lol, how many people do you know covet the relatively svelt weight of 275 pounds!

Argh.

So last night's mistake with the burrito, haunts me to the tune of 2 additional pounds today. Yep, I'm back up to 278. Not as bad it could have been, but a blow to the ego nonetheless.

It's almost 2:00 pm, and I haven't eaten anything since the burrito of doom, mostly because I'm still full from it...damn slow digestion. I'll have a NS granola bar or something soon to stay on track.

Oh Oh

I learned a very important lesson today...read the nutritional information BEFORE ordering or eating food.

Tonight I had to run out with the youngin for some errands. I had only eaten a Chicken Noodle soup and a couple slices of sourdough bread all day, so figured I could eat something small on the road. Took the youngin to Carls Jr, which also has a Green Burrito . Bought her her dinner and looked at Green Burrito's menu for something appropriate for myself. I asked if they had plain vegetarian burritos, without all the bells and whistles. The cashier said all the burritos were sold with chicken or beef, but they could be made without. I then asked for their basic burrito, without meat. He asked if I wanted their new ONE-POUNDER BURRITO! Holy heck! I explained I was looking for something simplier. He suggested the Grilled Chicken without chicken. I thought again, and thought grilled chicken shouldn't be a problem and it would give me an extra boost of protein. 

A bit later, my burrito was brought to me. It was fairly large. I didn't worry, because I assumed it would be chicken, rice, beans and salsa. Well it wasn't. It was chicken, rice, salsa, cheese and drenched in some sour creamy sauce. It was really good, but not exactly what I expected. Well I ate it, and got to thinking of the calories. I had only ingested about 400 up to that point (7:00 pm), so I figured the burrito probably added 600 or so. I thought to ask for the nutrition guide and was shocked that the Grilled Chicken Burrito had one of the highest calorie counts of any entree on the menu,  1030 calories!!!!!!! And the sodium??? The sodium was seriously in the 4-digits, at 2590 mg, which is just over 100% of the daily recommended allowance. The calories from fat were 261% of the daily recommeded. I about passed out.

I walked out feeling ill. It's criminal how fast food places can stick you with those huge calories counts, and at the same time all their advertising proclaim how fresh and healthy their meals are.

Of course, they don't even have nutrition brochures, which would be handy for the diner, I had to ask for the poster behind the counter, that you can't read from the cash register. 

Luckily, I hadn't eaten much, or I'm afraid I would have really screwed things up. As it is, I'm pretty sure it will take until the end of the week to flush out all that sodium, and maybe longer to work off all that excess fat.

Live and learn. I won't make that mistake twice. I would have been better off eating what the youngin ordered, Charbroiled Chicken Club Sandwich, hold the mayo. I would have eaten half the calories and almost half the sodium, and still had a satisfying meal.

YAY!!!

I went down 2 pounds from yesterday! That makes a total of 10 pounds in one week! WOOOT!

Last night I had the Chicken Noodle Soup, with two small slices of 9-grain sourdough bread and one salad.

I'm hoping to be 275 by Friday when I leave, and then hope to lose another 5 in the 10 days I'm gone.

We shall see...

Not a bad afternoon...

About an hour ago I had lunch, the Rotina and Meatballs in Sauce. It actually wasn't that bad at all. Surprisingly good, I wasn't expecting it to be more flavorful then some of the other dinner entrees I've tried. Of course ,there are far better pasta dishes in like the Lean Cusine line, but honestly, I was expecting so much worse, as NS doesn't seem to do tomato sauce very well.

The following rant has nothing to do with NS, but I figure while I'm here, I might as well get on my soapbox.

This has to do with court tv cases and women. There seems to be a trend on these court tv shows to show women (mainly young, but it does touch on all age groups) accepting money loans from men and then getting to court and batting their eye lashes and saying 'oh your honor, I just assumed this man I met the week before was gifting me my past due rent money and gifting me by paying for my cell phone bill/credit card bill, etc". 

Women, please assume all transfers of money are LOANS. Just because a guy is nice and 'he's so generous' does not mean he expects to pay $3000 of your bills in a month. Obviously, he likes you, and if you have no intention of persuing the relationship, then you have no business accepting either loans OR gifts. At one time I too was a sweet young thing. If a gentleman offered to help me out in any way, I politely REFUSED. A simple 'no thank you' will suffice. If he purchased a gift that was far beyond what I felt was appropriate for that level in the relationship, I politely DECLINED!  Again, a simple, "I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I don't know if right now is an appropriate time to accept a gift this generous". Guess what? The men were very understanding. They understood that I was not a gold digger and that I valued building a relationship at a pace that was comfortable for both of us, and if I had no intention of going forward in a relationship, I had no intention of using them and exploiting their feelings. 

I have told mY own children, that they are never to accept 'gifts' from people they have recently met, unless they can return the favor in kind. So, if an interested young man presents them with a tennis bracelet, unless they intend to purchase a like amount gift for the gentleman, they should politely decline. Also, they have been told, under no circumstances are they to 'borrow' money from men who they are not involved in a committed relationship with. And if they do, they need to get the terms in writing, and they need to PAY IT BACK!

The only gifts they may accept from men, would be flowers or candy at the early stages of the relationship. They are never to ask outright, or hint at gifts. They should never discuss money problems they may have to guys they are casually dating. These are the kind of values, all people. both men and women should learn from. In the olden days, there were strict rules for courting gifts, and the gold diggers were far fewer. Now, so many young women grab the shiny object, and then ask for the conditions of what is expected of them. 

And if you do find yourself backed into a corner, and you're asked to pay for those items, do the right thing and either return the gifts, or pay for them.

Still at 278...

Not budging. Which is actually a good thing, because of all the SlowPokes I inhaled last night. It is discouraging, and I'm finding myself slipping back into bad habits, like it being 1:00 pm, and I haven't eaten anything yet. No breakfast, no lunch, and I'm really not hungry or feeling compelled to eat. I will eat breakfast now though, and see if I can catch up, but really not feeling it today. 

Ironically, the not eating regularly will do me in pretty quickly, as I won't budge from 278 but NOT eating. I can't win, lol.

heh heh

I've been bad.

I had to take the youngin out tonight to do some shopping. I forgot to take one of the NS dinners. I went to El Pollo Loco, and bought the youngin smashed potatoes and gravy. We then went to Carl's Jr. where I ordered the bbq chicken salad. Yuck. I ordered it with balsamic vinegar. The chicken was good and I'm sure my body needed the protein. The use a ton of iceberg lettuce, which I don't like, big slabs of cucumber, which are hard to eat, shredded cheese, cherry tomatoes and shredded carrots and cabbage. Not tasty at all. I ate like 1/4 of the salad portion.

Earlier in the day, I purchased a Chocolate Zone Bar and used that in place of my snack for the day. I checked the nutrition box and it stacked up pretty much the same so I was happy to make the switch. The Zone Bar was far better than any of the NS food I've had. When I go off NS, I may stock up on Zone Bars for replacement meals.

I made an unfortunate purchase of a small bag of SloPokes, which are like Sugar Daddys. Only 50 calories each and I thought they'd be handy if I just had to have a sweet...well, one thing led to another and I just polished off about 400 calories worth of them, lol. Damn, they're so good and so little you don't realize you're being so bad...well I did realize it, but I had a hard time stopping. I did put one back in the bag and decided to blog instead of eat.

I'm a little disenchanted with NS. Other than a couple of the desserts and the granola bars, and the Chicken Noodle soup, nothing is really tasting all that good. I think taste is very important, and maybe more important when you're dieting. Having your tastebuds fulfilled satisfies an external hunger, if you know what I mean. People eat for other reasons than hunger and being deprived of good tastes, makes me want to search for other things to fulfill that desire. I think that's why I like doing the V8. It's got a lot of taste, and satisfies the taste buds.

Well, I blew it tonight, the only thing I can do right now is pick myself and get back on the NS horse. Blowing one day is not blowing a whole week of good effort, so I just have to move forward.

Oh, and I won't be buying anymore 'treats' for just 'one bite'.

I will say one of the most beneficial learning tools I've learned from NS is portion control. For example, the single serving soups (which are the same size as those little Gerber Baby Soups) fill less than half a soup bowl from my house. So, now I know that if I want I go to a restaurant, I should be ordering the 'cup of soup' size instead of 'bowl of soup'. The cup would be closer to the portion I should eat. The same with some of the dinner/lunch entrees. Most of them are about the size of my fist, so when I go to a restaurant or serve my food from home, I know to halve the portion I might otherwise serve.

AH HAH!

So, lazy me, just decided to look through all the brochures and crap Nutrisystem sent to me last week. It turns out I'm NOT eating enough, as I've pretty much only been munching the Nutrisystem. Of course,  I knew you had to throw in fruits and veggies and non-fat dairy, I just wasn't paying attention to when and how much. Below are the NS guidelines.

BREAKFAST: 

NutriSystem Breakfast Entree

1 fruit serving

1 dairy or protein serving

LUNCH:

NutriSystem Lunch Entree

1 dairy or protein serving

1 salad serving

2 tbsp fat free salad dressing

SNACK:

1 fruit serving

1 dairy or protein serving

DINNER:

Nutrisystem Dinner Entree

2 vegtable servings

1 salad or fruit serving

1 fat serving

DESSERT:

Nutrisystem Dessert

Last couple of days I had added in fruits and salads, but not to that extent. I didn't have any of the other things like diary and protein.

I went back to the store, bought 5 nonfat yogurts (Wallaby Organic is really good) and more salad fixings. I received a little journal book from NS last week, which is supposed to tell me what proteins and serving sizes I should eat, but I put it in a safe place, and now I can't find it :(

I walked around 15 blocks this afternoon. I have greatly reduced pain in my heel. It still hurts, but I'm not in agony for that 15 blocks like I was, even yesterday. I bought a new orthotic because I realized the one I bought a couple of weeks ago, didn't have quite the same arch support as the ones I used previously. It seems counter-intuitive, but you get a heel support orthotic with a very rigid arch support, and you think it's going to hurt because intuitively you're thinking something soft will feel better, but really the harder the support, the better. It really is about 'supporting' the arch and not cushioning it. I'm going to try the newer ones right now, and hope they work. For years I bought a particular Dr. Scholls brand, but it looks like they've 'improved' the systems, and they no longer carry the one that has eliminated heel pain for me, for the last 10 years. Hopefully, the new ones will work as well as the older ones *crosses fingers*.

Frustrating

Back to 278. Very odd. I'm pretty much sticking to the plan but nothing is happening. I had an orange after dinner last night, and fat free popcorn, along with the V8 combo. So, besides the apple at breakfast, those were the only changes I made to the diet.

I'm drinking plenty of water, and I stir in a couple table spoons of lemon juice because that acts as a natural diuretic to get rid of excess water, and I walked around the neighborhood for an hour last night. Sigh. I could have been eating HoHos and Ding Dongs for the last couple of days and been at the same weight.

I'm going to have a Cranberry or Apple granola bar for breakfast with a big glass of water. Absolutely no substitutions today. I'm not sure if I'm still eating too little (about 1200 calories yesterday) or if I'm eating too much. It appears I should be eating 2000 calories a day, and the fact that I'm not, and losing so little may just mean my metabolism is really f'd up, which I've long suspected. 

Today I'll hop over to the drugstore and buy a new orthotic foot pad for my heel spur. Hopefully that will lesson the pain there, so I can actually walk more than a couple blocks without excruciating pain. I used to walk over 5 miles per days, now I'm down to less than half a mile.

Argh.

I ate a Chocolate Chip Granola Bar and a large Granny Smith apple for breakfast, and then for lunch Chicken ala King and Mustard flavor Pretzels. The Granola Bar was good, pretty much tasted like most of the granola bars on the market. The pretzels were GROSS. Ick. I'm glad I only ordered two bags instead of more. The Chicken A La King was no different tastewise than the Chicken Noodle soup from yesterday, actually maybe a smidge not so good, but basically the same.

Now it's 3:15 and I'm getting hungry for some real vittles. It's still 2 hours before I should even think of eating supper. I'm noticing when I eat food that doesn't taste so good, I get a hankering for better tasting food, even if the calories in not good food are the same as good food, I just don't feel as satiated with the bad tasting stuff. Considering there is so little food on this program, I hate to see food opportunities wasted on grody stuff.

I think I'm going to bite the bullet and have a large glass of the V8 combo, at least it's tasty and might whet my appetite for eating for a while.

This is going to be a looooong weekend, lol.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

I'm up 1 pound. Dang. So, this weekend I'll go back to the absolute basic plan. No salads. No V8. I have a feeling the V8 is the culprit, all that sodium causes a lot of water retention.

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd feel deprived because I couldn't eat salad :(

No weight loss today...

Must have been that 20 pounds of salad I had last night, lol. Still holding steady at 278, maybe things will change tomorrow.

I didn't get much exercise lately, a about 17 blocks of walking today, about 24 yesterday. Yesterday I wasn't in as much pain from the heel spur as usual, and today not too much with the 17 blocks. This heel spur has really been bothering me the last month and a half or so. Dr. says the spur hurts because the heel is swollen. Not much I can do unless I want to swallow steroids, so I'll take the pain for now, and hopefully losing weight and resting it will make it better.

This morning I had a granola bar for breakfast, chocolate brownie for snack, chicken noodle soup for lunch (didn't taste bad at all and spinach raviolis for dinner. I also had two big bowls of salad, tomatoes, carrots, green onion, cucumber, radishes and romaine lettuce with fat free Italian. The salad was SO GOOD. Honestly, the bit of onion and radish really bring out some great flavors, and it's very satisfying.

Yesterday at the grocery store I picked up one bottle of V8 Low Sodium, and one V8 Spicy Healthy Choice (lower sodium than normal). I took the two and combined them, and that reduced the sodium to 360 mg per serving, and it tasted really good. Low Sodium V8 is yuck yuck, but combined with the spicy, it was really good. I did a 50/50 and the Spicy flavor still came through pretty strong, but not too strong. I didn't try the Spicy on it's own but if diluted with the other at 50/50 and it was still pretty spicy, then I can imagine full strength it's a woozer! If spicy isn't your thing, reduce the amount in your Low Sodium and you can probably get it to taste closer to full sodium V8. I had a couple of big chilled glasses of the V8 combo, which is very filling, but only has like 50 calories.

I'm surprised my body hasn't gone into shock with all these veggies floating around in my system. Of course, I noticed Hostess stock is down considerably over the last few days and Sara Lee isn't looking too good either.

Tough day....

The eating part wasn't a problem, it was the fact an old friend died early this morning. Very sad for all the family and friends. He was one of those guys everyone absolutely loved. The kind of guy who never hurt anyone. A great person who will be deeply missed by many many people. If you've lived a life that was so brilliant, that others feel that loss so deeply, then I think you've lived a life worth living. Good bye my friend.

So, in all the weirdness I did manage to go to the grocery store and stock up on about $40 worth of groceries.

For breakfast I had another V8 and the Scrambled Eggs with Veggie sausage. Around noonish, I had a snack of Pretzals. They weren't really all that great. Very bland, but edible, I guess. For lunch I had the Chocolate Raspberry bar, which was really really yummy. Probably the best thing I've eaten so far.  I had a very late lunch at 5:00, but was feeling very headachy, so went shopping and then had supper.

I got home at 6:15, to find a message on my machine that a friend had sent me an EXTRA LARGE, EVERYTHING ON IT PIZZA from Round Table, as a thank you. Ugh. I haven't told any friends about my Nutrisystem experiment (I don't need the nags bagging on me for what I eat, if I slip up, lol). Anyway, so soon after I get home Round Table knocks at my door with my extra large pizza and a salad. Whew. The salad will be my saving grace! I open up the pizza box, scrap about half the stuff off the pizza for one of the youngins (we usually order garlic chicken, so the kids aren't in to all the pepperoni, sausage and salami). I then promptly packed up half the pizza and took it across the street to my neighbors. The neighbors stepped out for a bit and some of their friends were sitting on the porch waiting for them, so I handed over the foil wrapped package, and honestly, with the hungry look those folks gave me, I'm pretty sure the pizza is history by now!

Got back home and tasted a total of three small hunks of sausage and one slice of pepperoni. That was more than enough for me. I then took the salad poured Fat Free Italian on it, and enjoyed. The Fat Free Italian I bought, was really REALLY good. Usually those fat frees tastes chemically, so it was nice this one didn't.

After the salad, I made a big salad from the veggies I bought earlier. I had two huge bowls of that. It really was tasty (I make a damn good salad!) and I honestly didn't miss the pizza at all. I filled up on salad purposely, because I knew with being so sad about my friend, and a huge ol' delicious pizza calling my name, that I had to be proactive and fill up on something more appropriate, knowing my willpower might falter.

I also had another V-8, so I think I'm pretty good in the veggie arena today, and upped my calories sufficiently so I may be closer to having 1200-1300 calories today.

Awww. What a day.

Around 7:30 I had the Beef Stroganoff which was pretty bad. I only at the

Whooo hoooooo! Down 2 pounds

Yes!!! I'm now at 278. I was hoping to be 275 by this time next week, so that may just be possible. I'm aware that after the first couple of days, you can slow down a bit as your body adjusts to the new dieting circumstances, but I think 3 pounds lost in the next week is a pretty reasonable hope, so I'll go with that.

Out of curiousity I took the time last night to total up my calorie points for the day, on just the NutriSystem food alone, and it was 690 calories. According to NS (NutriSystem), they recommend a 2000 calorie per day regimen for weight loss, so their food alone only provides 1/3 of that amount. This morning I'll haul my ass down to the grocery store and pick up some veggies and fruits and stuff. I did have a single-serve V8 last night, which is only 70 calories but 780 mg of sodium (about 3 times more sodium then any of the NS foods), so my total calories for the day were 760. From what I understand, actually upping the calories will probably shed more weight because it stabilizing the metabolism and blood sugars better. 

I'm off to dig in my box for something to chew.

2nd day down...

Not a bad day. I didn't get a chance to get out and exercise, but I'll work on that tomorrow. I also didn't get a chance to get anymore veggies and fruits and whatever other extras I need for the Nurtrisystem

Around noon I heat up one of the 'dinners', a single chicken breast. Tossed it in the micro, and a couple minutes later the delicious smell of cooked cat food wafts from my oven, lol. Seriously, one of my cats was going bananas because she didn't hear a can opener, but she smelled the same scent. After I plated my cat food chicken breast, I had to trip over the same cat as she winded her body in a figure 8 around my feets. I somehow managed to scarf it down, unmolested, but yeah, it smelled like cat food and had a very chunky texture, but it wasn't like totally gross. Well, maybe a little. It was suggested to eat the cat food chicken breast with a 'small whole wheat dinner roll', well I didn't have one so maybe that would have made a huge difference....

I had a friend over most of the day working on the house, and I didn't want to be digging in my Nutrisystem box for food so I waited until 7:00 pm when he left. Then I dived in like a starving woman at an all-you-can eat ravioli bar and pulled out a Chocolate Brownie dessert. That got scarfed down pretty quickly. One of the youngin, with a nose for chocolate came sniffing around for some brownie action. She got a smidge of one corner, and was then told the rest was made of coffee and hot peppers, so that got her thinking a second, and it was in that second while she decided if I was serious or not, that I popped the rest of the brownie in my mouth. HA! Kids are so dopey.

About half an hour later, I heated up a Chicken Noodle and Gravy dinner thing. It was ok. I ate all the noodles and my dog licked up the gravy, only because I try to avoid gravy in real life, as it's yummy goodness can only get you in trouble. 

As I mentioned, I'm still not eating all the food I'm suppose to because I haven't got down to the store to pick anything up. I tried to sneak some of the spring mix lettuce that I feed the guinea pig, but he started squeaking so loud when he heard the rustle of the bag, I felt guilty and gave him the last of it.

So, at almost 8:30 pm, I'm not particularly hungry. Not full, but not hungry either. On a usual night, I'd feel like I just had enough room for a pint of Ben and Jerry's, so the fact I resisted, speaks volumes for my current fortitude. That's not to say my fortitude will not win out by midnight...we can just wait and see tomorrow...

6 POUNDS DOWN!!!

Yep, that's right. I weighed myself 4 times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. So now I'm 280, whooo hoooooo! I think a lot had to do with the natural progression of chicken picatta, bruschetta and mozzarella sticks through the digestive system, heh, but it is cool that I lost an extra 2 pounds, on top of the picatta pounds!

This morning I had the Apple Streusal scone with vitamin water for breakfast. The scone wasn't too sweet, actually not too bad. The texture was a little too smooth and moist for me, but it wasn't horrible.

Next week I have to get on a plane and fly for 3 hours to another state for a week's stay. The last time I did that trip I was 255, and could barely get the seatbelt on. I have a feeling with about 25 extra pounds, I'll be having more problems than that, sigh. I'm hoping I can get down to 275 by then. And then to 270 by the time I fly back 9 days later. I'm trying to figure out how to transport 9 days worth of Nutrisystem meals on the plane. I think I'm going to go through my foods today and set out the 36 meals and desserts now, as I'll probably want to pack the smaller, light-weight foods.

In the middle of June, I'm going on a 2-week road trip. It will be nice to be 250 by that time, as there will be a ton of walking, and right now I can't walk more than a block or so without a lot of pain. Recently, I've walked up to a couple miles, but after the first block, the pain progressed to such a level, that I was almost numb from it. I would love to be able to walk that same 2 miles in June without the agony.

Almost the end of Day 1.

Right around 4:30 this afternoon I started getting hungry. It didn't help that I spied the container that held the chocolate cake from last night's dinner in my garbage can. It didn't help that it was one of those clear containers and the smears of chocolatey cake goodness could still be viewed. It didn't help that I wanted to take that container out and lap up the cake remnants like a crack whore and a dirty mirror. But I stopped myself. I went through my food box and kinda got a read on what was sent to me. I didn't do an inventory, and only found 3 egregious substitutions (split pea soup. peanut butter granola bar and black bean soup). So, at 4:30 I had my 'dessert' of one chocolate graham bar, which was actually pretty good.

Around 5:30 I decided to have my dinner, Chicken and Dumplings, because I was thinking I would take the youngin to the mall after school and I didn't want to be tempted with the deliciousness that is Cinnebum and Wetzels Pretzels, and all other manner of yummy junk food. The Chicken and Dumps was ok. Not great, but not horrible.

Like I said, I went through my Nutrisystem packet and read through some of the stuff they sent. Evidently I have to eat a bunch of salads and fruits and veggies and milk products to round out the nutrients. I kinda knew this before, but I hoped it was only a once a day thing, because frankly, leaving it up to me to portion-control and calorie count three salads/veggies/fruits a day is a little beyond my abilities right now. The reason I got into this mess in the first place is an inability to make healthy choices on my own, and the lure of a wonderful bakery right down the street.

A friend told me this story, many years ago, about her then 4 year old daughter, which I have always found absolutely hilarious. The family had some friends over, one of whom was a very nice lady, who happened to be shaped like a pear. She was seemingly normal sized on top, but at the waist, her hip, butt and thighs were of immense proportions. I've seen people like this and so I could well imagine the woman. Anyways, the lady was sitting in the middle of the living room floor, chatting up her hosts, when the 4-year old walked in. She went to the women, looked at her this way and that, surveyed her from behind and then finally stood right in front of the women and said,very matter-of-factly 'you know, you have a big fat butt!". Of course the girl said this with all the innocence of a child, and she said it without judgement, but with a little awe, like you would expect a child to say 'you know, you have blue eyes' or 'you know, I can fly to the moon'. Unfortunately, the lady did not take this comment in the spirit it was offered and became greatly offended and left in a huff, and now 15 years later, has still not spoken to the family. The point it, if you went to all the trouble to raise a big fat butt, then for Dog's sake OWN YOUR BIG FAT BUTT! You should be proud of the accomplishment, not ashamed of it. How can you be offended by the truth?

In the spirit of that story, I made a sign for my office. It reads in large font, 'you have a big fat butt'. The funny thing is that I made the font on 'butt' so large that it spilled onto the next page, similar to how my butt would act in real life. I took this sign, and have it hanging on the wall in front of me. First of all, it makes me laugh every time I see it, which is a good thing. Second, it reminds me that change comes externally, and when you own your faults, you're in a better position to change them (if you're troubled by them). So, yes, I have a big fat butt. No, I don't think there is anything wrong at all with a big fat butt. I like my butts big and fat, as a matter of fact! But if you want to change your big fat butt, you first have to admit that it does, indeed, exist. Having a sign up, reminds me of my big fat butt (as if walking sideways through doorways and hallways isn't reminder enough, lol) and it reminds me that a big fat butt isn't the end of the world, you can find humor in a big fat butt, and for that you're all the richer.

Ok, that's my all my posts for the day. Celebrate your big fat butts!

The thing about fat people and bikes....

First of all, if you're tipping the scales at 300 pounds and 250 of those pounds are located in your ginormous ass, the little dinky seat most bikes provide, will do little to contain your massive buttcheeks. Those same butt cheeks will spill over the seat, and get caught in the bike chain. I'm going to see if there's a market for bikes that have been retrofitted with LazyBoy recliners, instead of the teeny tiny standard bike seat. I felt like one of those full size clowns on the miniture bikes.

The other thing I have to remember is that when you have massive thighs and quadruple chins, that at some point in the pedaling process the two will make contact with each other.

That said, my bike ride lasted 24 minutes, which was the time it took to complete my circuit zigzagging through the neighborhood. My neighborhood is as flat as my chest was in junior high, so there was no coasting at all the whole way, which was good, because that means I had to pedal the whole 24 minutes.

If any of you other fatties out there are considering bike riding for exercise, I would suggest you get a cruiser type bike. The seat is a bit wider than mountain bikes, the wide tires make it more stable, the way the seat and handle bars sit, allows for less stress on your back and neck.

I gotta rest now. I'm due for dinner in a couple hours, whooo hooooo!!! I think I'm going to go digging around in my box and see what I can find. Still not particularly hungry, but remember, I usually wouldn't have even begun eating for the day at this hour (almost 4 pm).

I'll post pictures.

2:00 pm update

For breakfast at 9:00 am, I had the scrambled eggs with veggie sausage. It comes in a little cardboard cup and you add water and throw it in the micro. About midway through I took a peek and it still looked like yellow soup, so I was pleasantly surprised to see what appeared to be scrambled eggs at the end of the time. It was HOT HOT HOT, but the texture was very much scrambled eggs. It was a big bland, but I usually like bland, so no problems there. The 'sausage' was a little like the bit of sausage you get on a large delicious Totinos freezer pizza, but not horrible. I also drank a half a bottle of 0 calorie vitamin water.

By noon my cats were playing hide and seek in the Nutrisystem box, so I hauled their furry butts out. I can see these boxes are going to be a problem with the cats, so I imagine the coming weeks/months I'll be picking a lot of cat fur out of my food. Does cat fur have calories?

At 2:00 pm I had lunch. I'm still really full from last night's chicken piccatta et al, so had a later lunch. Digging through my box I found more crap that was substituted for the original crap I ordered. Of course, I'm too f'in lazy to actually do an inventory and I have a feeling by the last week I'll be starving because honestly, there's NO WAY I'm eating peanut butter granola bars (gag) or split pea soup. Anyway, lunch was a foil bag of chicken salad. It suggests you spread it on Melba toast, which I didn't have, so I substituted a Duraflame fireplace log, and the taste and texture was about the same. No, I'm kidding. I didn't have Melba toast so I just ate the chicken salad. Not bad. The texure was a little too smooth, kinda like chicken salad pudding, and it tasted a bit too much of relish for my tastes, but heck, I'm suppose to lose weight and if it was really tasty, I'd probably eat 4 or 8 for lunch.

The one thing I like about the Nutrisystem program is the food is basically microwave and go. No freezer needed as a lot of it's dried or something. I HATE cooking for myself (yet oddly, I'm always looking to see what cool cooking classes Sur La Table is offering) so having the option of heating up a microwave meal, or cramming a couple of handfuls of Oreos in my mouth, I guess I can eat the healthier option.

As for hunger level, as I said before, I'm still really full from last night, and I typically don't eat breakfast and will eat either a late lunch or just dinner and snacks for the rest of the night, so I'm already two meals up on where I usually am this time of day. I'm drinking Eating Right brand vitamin water, because it's got a bit of fruity flavor, it satisfies my desire for juice. It's also got 0 calories, so that's got to be a good thing. Hmmm. It also has a 'caffeine' boost. Hahahaha. So that's where I got the energy this morning to rock out on my air guitar when I was blasting music.

As for exercise, other than the rocking air guitar this morning, I haven't got out of the house yet. I have horrible pain in my heel from a bone spur, scoliosis in my lower back which causes me to hunch over like Quasimoto and scoliosis in my upper neck which causes it's own brand of pain. Truthfully, the air guitar playing did loosen up my neck and shoulders so I may have to do that more. I'm going to ride my bike up the street to mail off some bills, so if I take the long way, I can go 4 blocks in one direction and zig zag back and forth for the 7 blocks which is the depth of our neighborhood. That should take about half an hour or more (if you've never seen an almost 300-pound, 45-year old woman, straddle a cruiser bike, then hell, you simply haven't lived!). Unfortunately, I have to go passed my kid's grammar school, so hopefully my kids and her friends won't be out front laughing their little butts off. Not that I mind being laughed at (hell I should get one of my friends to video tape me, so I can have a laugh myself), but I wouldn't want the little urchins hurting my kid's feelings.

OK, I guess I REAL diet is in order

So here I am. ballooned up to 286 (as of this morning). Last week I ordered a month's supply of the Nutrisystem program. Yesterday I checked UPS online and tracked the package and found it would be coming later in the day.

So I ate. Haha. I started off at 282 yesterday morning, so I had to eat A LOT to get to 286 this morning. Let's see, I visited my fave Italian restaurant last night with one of the kidlets. We started with warm Italian bread dipped in extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar, proceeded to thick garlicky bruschetta, continued to mozzarella sticks with marinara, and then segued into a spring garden mix salad with balsamic dressing. Then we waited a few minutes until our dinner arrived. I ordered up the Chicken Piccatta with rice and zucchini pilaf. OMG it was sooooo good. The lemon sauce was divine, so rich and tasty. The chicken breasts were pounded to an inch of their lives and tender and juicy.

We finished with a huge hunk of chocolate mousse cake, which we took home because I was jammed between the chair and the table by that time.

This morning I awoke with a clean slate and a 47 pound box of Nutrisystem! Yep, 47 pounds of food that has to be eaten in ONE MONTH! It's kind of a scary thought that I have to eat 47 pounds of food this month and STILL expect to LOSE weight. Oh, I forgot to mention, last night I decided to taste test one of the foods in my Nutrisystem box, of course, it was the Chocolate Brownies, which was a very generous hunk of brownie and very very rich and chocolatey. Very good but, like I said, also very rich. It's the kind of thing where you wonder how you're going to resist eating all 28-day's worth of food in one night! I wonder how many calls Nutrisystem gets each day that begin like this--"Hi, this is Mary Jo Fatly...ummm...yeah...so yesterday I was supposed to have got my Nutrisystem food box for the month...and ummm...well it never arrived...yeah, it never arrived".

A quick look through the box showed that several of my preferred food items were not included and substitutes were sent instead. Why they substituted Split Pea Soup (double yuck) for Spaghetti and Meatballs, I don't know. The least they could have done was subsitute another of those Chocoate Brownie deals when they run out of something. Believe me, if left to my own devices, I would have ordered all desserts for the month. Unfortunately, Nutrisystem has put a lock on the 28-desserts per month online button. Let's be honest, with 28 desserts sitting in a box in my kitchen and the necessity to eat a total of 4 meals everyday, you just know the first week is going to subsist of 4 desserts per day.

More post will follow telling what I ate and when.

277

I will never be over 280 again! That's a promise I hope I can keep.

No junkfood, but I've been sick with the flu, so no surprises. 

Ooopsy

Well this has not been a good no-junkfood week. I fell off the wagon earlier in the week. My youngest child has been very ill with the flu and with no one around and nothing to do, other than to care for her, I had a few snacks. The result is that I'm at 282. Not horrible, but it is a 5 pound gain over the last week and is only a 7 pound net loss for the month.

I figured out i'm an emotionaly junk food junky. I get lonesome or bored and sugar to the rescue. I have decided a do-over is in order, and so for the last 16 or so hours I have been junk food free.

I imagine there will be many such false starts. Giving up is not an option. Just get back up and start again. 

278 pounds...not bad for day 17

I haven't written in several days, mainly because nothing new was going on. Physically I'm over the intense sugar/junkfood cravings that dominated the first few days of this experiment. I hadn't lost any more weight than the original 9 pounds, but now I'm 2 more pounds down, so that seems a little significant.

I'm not exercising any more than usual and I haven't lowered my calorie count in any appreciatible way, other than replacing junkfood calories, with more healthy alternatives.

Definately, the first 72 hours are the roughest. If you can keep yourself junkfood free through those first 3 days, you'l find the subsequent days are much easier, to the point where your body isn't crying out for a Big Mac.

214 hours down!

I'm back down to 280 pounds, and not having too much trouble staying away from the junk food. The biggest problem is finding healthy food when I'm hungry. I really don't have any appetite for it, and so I tend to go several hours being really hungry because nothing seems good, or even worth the effort of chewing (yeah, I'm that lazy, lol!).

I also need to get in the habit of having breakfast and lunch. I don't get hungry during the day, so I think that making an effort to eat during those times, so I don't end up overeating before I go to bed.

I almost slipped!

Whew, still no junk food, but it was this close! I'm proud to say I'm at 180 hours and no junk food! I couldn't sleep last night so monkeyed around online and around 1 am, I was getting famished. By 2, I had to consciously say NO TO JUNKFOOD! Instead I had some soup, a small salad, AND a Lean Cuisine type dealie. That staved off my hunger, but resulted in a one pound gain of weight. Better to have an extra pound of salad in me then a pound cake!

161 HOURS NO JUNK FOOD!!

Whooo hoooo! Getting close to surviving a whole week without my beloved junkfood, one down, 51 to go!

I'm still at 280, but have noticed another interesting phenomenon, I have no appetite whatsoever until 7 or 8 at night. I can go all day without eating and not even feeling the list bit hungry, and then by 7 or 8 I'm hungry. I make an effort to not eat after midnight, so in the past I would spend that 4 or 5 hours snacking, telling myself I needed to make up for not eating during the day.

I have always known I didn't have an appetite until that hour, but thought it was all the sugar talking and have since found that it's just the way my body works. I will need to make a concerted effort to eat both breakfast and lunch, and hopefully that will restore the daytime appetite. I have a feeling eating that late at night, is probably not a good thing, metabolism-wise.

  

141 HOURS NO JUNKFOOD!!!

Still at 280, but that's fine. Had a really hard time today trying to find 'healthy' food to eat, or rather, being hungry for any food period. It was about 7:00 this evening before I even thought about food. Hadn't eaten all day and finally forced myself to eat a Lean Cusine type meal, actually two of them, just so I would have the calories (about 620 calories for both). Normally, I would have just reached for some cookies, cake, or ice cream, so trading off is a task I have to pay attention to. 

I know from experience that the first 72 hours of stopping any type of habit, weather it's eating, smoking, drinking, etc, are the most difficult. Your body/mind is trying to adjust to the chemical difference that it had become accustomed to. If you can get past those first days, in anything, you'll be find thereafter. That's not to say you won't have cravings, just that those cravings will subside dramatically after day 3.

So, now the sugar cravings have subsided dramatically. I've never been too much of a salty snack person. I don't like chips, crackers or other salty foods, so I don't have that to deal with as well. I do have to consciously think about food though, because I can easily get into periods of time where I won't eat anything, just because I don't have the appetite. I have gone about 2 weeks without eating before (a period of mourning) and it took more than a year for me to get back to eating regularly. Unfortunately, with the regular eating, came the regular snacking, which is where I find myself today.

In about 27 hours, I will have reached one full week of no junk food. I'm at least 9 pounds lighter this week, which amazes me, because I never realized how much snacking and slugging around the sofa I've done.

108 hours NO JUNK FOOD

Wow, I am down 2 more pounds, I'm at 280 right now. I have been drinking 5 or 6 glasses of water everyday, so it's not 'water weight', which implies that drinking more water would just put it back on. I used to drink soda (both diet and regular) and lots of juice, so substituting water or lemon water, is probably saving me over 600 calories a day.

Lemon water is a natural diuretic, and will really help to flush out your system. Squeeze several tablespoons in a class or small bottle of cold water, or make a 'tea' with hot water. You'll soon be peeing A LOT and OFTEN! But don't overdue it. People think if a little is great, more must be stupendous! If that's your attitude, then it's easy to see why moderation is a problem.

I'm not craving the junkfood so much. The pies, the cookies, the cakes, the ice cream (sob). I am having a very hard time fitting 'healthy' food into my life. Nothing really appeals to me. I was never one of those 5-boxes-of-cheap-mac-and-cheese-at-one-sitting kind of people (but I do know a few of them, lol). I've always preferred healthy meals, but my downfall is that I prefer snacks more, so I was substituting snacks for meals. 

I honestly didn't realize I was doing this. I knew I overdid it on the junkfood, I just didn't realize to what extent I was substituting. Now, I'm having a hard time developing meals, because everything looks so boring. There is nothing more exciting than a couple of packs of those delicious little chocolate mini donuts for breakfast, followed by a big glass of oj (not the murderer). But I digress...

If you see losing 9 pounds in less than a week as one of those "omg, I HAVE TO DO THIS, I have to lose 10 pounds this week" moments, then you may be sadly mistaken. I am fat! Real fat. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it (mmm, did I say sugar?) by saying I'm 'big-boned" or 'heavy". I'm fat. F-A-T. Simply put, that 9 pounds is equivilant to about 3% of my starting body weight. If you are 200 pounds, and you expect to lose 3% of your body weight in a week, you would have to lose 6 pounds. If you are 150 pounds, you would lose 4 pounds. You can't be 150 and expect to lose 9 pounds, it just won't work for you. 

The percentage I lost is not a constant. Generally when making food lifestyle choices you can expect a huge surge initially, and then as your body metabolism adjusts to the new way, it will taper off and perhaps be a little more consistent, maybe settling at 3 or 4 pounds per week. 

Though I talk a lot about weight, this experiment  isn't about losing weight, it's about seeing the overall effect that eliminating junkfood can accomplish. I've not noticed any appreciatable change in my energy level (but then again I'm a big fat slug, really no exercise at all), or in my mood/attitude. I do like the challenge of staying away from junk food, as I'm pretty competitive in that regard, so for now that's the only emotional benefit I've seen.

With almost 109 hours down, I have only 8675 hours to go! WHOOO HOOO!

Say goodbye to another POUND!

Wow, who would have thunk just getting rid of junk food was such an effective diet aid?

I'm at 7 pounds down as of January 4 in the morning. I have been running errands all day and getting stuck in storms, I was unable to update until now.

I had a tiny sip of Pepsi, because I was running around and absolutely parched and that was the only thing available. I'm not a Pepsi drinker anyway, so it wasn't a big deal--not like I was going to go running down the street chasing the Pepsi truck after his delivery to the supermarket.

I forgot what hour we're at, around hour 96 I think. Wow. I'm actually doing this.

70.5 hours and I feel like I'm going to go crazy!

So, I did the worst thing a person who doesn't want to eat junk food can do (barring eating the junk food) and I looked up the menu of this great Mexican restaurant I'm supposed to go to tomorrow and YUM their stuff is so good I may have a hard time saying no to all the delectable goodness. I planned on having a couple of chicken tacos (absolutely to die for), but looking through all the mouthwatering quesidillas and fajitas and nachos....seriously, I feel like I have a half gallon of saliva in my mouth just from dreaming about it.
Plus I'm HUNGRY, but this is the danger zone. It's 10:30 pm, and probably not a good time to eat, even though I didn't eat much today. Without my trusty junkfood, nothing seems appetizing anymore, unless it's fried, or coated in chocolate.
I think I'll have some soup. Soup is good. Soup won't betray you by showing up on your thighs 15 minutes after consuming it like a delicious hunk of cherry pie would. Soup knows it's place. 

WOW! DOWN 6 POUNDS IN 60 HOURS!!!

Now that I've kicked soda and juice as the beverages of choice, I'm forced to drink...ugh....water. Lots of water. I believe all this water drinkage has helped me get to 283 pounds, a reduction of 6 pounds since I started this experiment!

Still no junk food for me :( Last night I went to Safeway, and they had the most lucious, most junkiest junkfood one could imagine; velvety smooth chocolate cakes, ice cream, cookies, ahhh the cookies. I'm usually not a cookie eater, but a box of lemon creams called my name so sweetly it was all I could do to hold myself back from grabbing it and showering it with love.

It's not easy giving up junk food. There's a whole lot of it out there, and it seems to overwhelm the healthy food. I guess if you're a big beefy raspberry danish, up against a coweringly little carrot stick, well you're just going to have to kick sand in the face of that little carrot stick, now won't you? I think the junkfood to healthyfood ratio is about 25:1 in the grocery store. You will even find junkfood in the healthy food areas. Health food never crosses that junkfood boundary though. Though you will often find stuff like a container of tofu in the potato chip aisle. It's only there because some poor sap, made the mistake of carting her tofu into the danger zone, and then succumbed to temptation and swapped the tofu for an extra large bag of Ruffles and a jar of conveniently located, very junkfoody, ranch dip.

It's a conspiracy I tell ya! I am 60 hours down, 8724 hours to go, JUNKFOOD FREE!!!!

I'm at 45 hours NO JUNK FOOD!!!

Amazingly, I lost 3 pounds since I started. In October 2005 I was 182, and have been steadily gaining since. Now after gaining over 100 pounds in the last two years, this is the first time I've actually lost any weight!

So, 3 pounds is gone. I would still love some yummy delicious junk food. I'm realizing that junk food made up a bigger part of my daily diet than healthy food. Part of it is laziness, part of it is fatigue, where it's easier to grab something from the snack shelf because the apnea makes me so tired all the time. Also, I tend to eat a lot of sweets, partly for the energy they give me when I'm so tired.

Happy New Year 2 Me!

So, I'm fat. How fat? Really fat. My resolution for 2008 is to see if I can kick junk food for one year. That's 8784 hours (damn Leap Year!) This may or may not affect my current weight. This is not about weight loss though it's about making a change. At the end of the year I want to be able to say "12 months junk food free". I'm assuming one of the side effects from this junk food hiatus will be the diminishment of precious fat cells. We shall see.

Because I anticipate a reduction in size/weight, I shall post my current stats for all to see, point and laugh at. Just remember, at my current weight I can stalk you down and sit on your head and split it like a melon, so be careful when you point and laugh. It may take me a little time to get to you, but I will get there!

Here we go:

Gender: Female

Age: 44

Height: 5' 7.5"

Weight: 289 pounds. Yes, I'm THAT FAT!! 

BMI (Body Mass Index): 44.6 (30.0 is obese, so I'm 50% more obese than obese!)

All the following measurements are in inches, none of those Canookian metric units for the good ol' USA!

neck: 15.75

upper arm: 15

bust: 53

upper waist: 42

navel: 56.5

hips: 54

upper thigh: 29

above knee: 20

calf: 18.5

From those dimensions, you can see I am shaped roughly like a barrel. When I think of my measurements 20 years ago, I realize my calf size is the size my thighs used to be, and my current upper thigh is bigger than my waist was at age 24 (25"). As for weight, I was 120 pounds dripping wet. 

I have severe apnea. It will probably end up killing me. I've had a couple of surgeries, and my apnea numbers didn't show any real improvement. 

Last year, at this time I was 250 pounds. The combination of severe apnea (which causes unexplained weight loss) and my bad eating habits have joined forces, and I'm now at critical mass, no pun intended. 

I will post periodic updates to report my progress in beating junkfood and if there is any affect on my weight, I will update that as well.

I am 25 hours JUNKFOOD FREE!